“…Now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?”
For years I have told myself I would never blog.
Too much focus on me.
I don’t want any focus on me.
I laugh now. Its funny because I am starting this blog
for the same reason I have avoided it.
I don’t want any focus on me.
If I had something good to say or share,
If I, of my own doing, was a good author,
If I had original thoughts unknown to mankind,
and a sliver of wisdom to bestow
Maybe this could be about me.
But I don’t.
Believe me when I tell you,
(“you” being an imaginary audience, or so I will tell myself)
Anything and everything that is good in me is Jesus.
If I told you how many times I have started this post
and immediately cancelled it you would laugh at me.
Why? Why is this so hard for me?
Maybe its because I have shut my mouth hard over the last years.
I have bitten my tongue, bated my breath,
Done anything and everything I could to keep silent.
Because no one would listen,
And those who would wouldn’t hear.
“They have eyes to see but do not see,
and ears to hear but do not hear…”
They may listen (or read, in this case)
but they would not understand.
That is, except a few.
A few would listen.
A few would hear.
A few would understand.
Today I do this for the few.
Again, not because I have anything good to say,
But because maybe you’re out there
afraid to open your mouth as well
Maybe you have shut up your heart
to keep safe the treasures inside.
But, oh, the treasures inside to not keep well locked up.
No, the treasures of God are rushing water
And if kept up and locked away the pressure builds
Little by little every day,
until they burst out of every pore and tear duct
My heart is bursting.
I cannot keep silent.
“If I say ‘I will not mention Him,
Or speak any more in His name,’
There is in my heart as it were a burning fire
Shut up in my bones,
And I am weary with holding it in,
And I cannot.”
Maybe there are some of you out there
who feel like I do sometimes,
No, I know there are.
You feel alone in your relationship with God,
That even your closest friends and family,
The ones who claim the same faith as you,
Would not come close to comprehending
the height, width, and depth of the love of God
as He has revealed it to you.
Maybe He has set on your heart a burden so heavy
You fear you may break.
A love so deep for His people
that your heart is ripping at the seams.
Maybe none of this is true for you,
But with all your being you want it to be.
Then God is having me do this for you.
If there is anything on this blog that impacts you,
know that it is not me.
It is the King on His throne
who desperately longs for you to know His intimate presence.
It is the Groom, the Head of the Body of Christ,
who desperately wants you to know You are not alone.
It is the Father, the good and perfect giver,
who desperately hopes that you come home.
And once you turn down that road, He will run to meet you.
He is not in the strong wind,
Nor in the earthquake,
Nor in the fire.
He is in the low, quiet whisper.
[see 1 Kings 19:11-12]
And that whisper is saying there is a remnant;
A group of people who have not bowed down to idols of self,
Whose mouths have not kissed them.
There is a remnant, a people devoted to Jesus, for Jesus alone.
Not for His gifts or rules,
Not to abuse His grace or His commands,
But to know Him, to love Him.
There is no greater calling that to the Lord; to be with Him:
To know and be known
To see and be seen.
We are to be a people slowly disappearing into His beauty,
decreasing as He increases,
becoming one with Him in His death,
and thus being united with Him in His life.
And this, Lord leading and inspiring,
authoring and perfecting,
is my journey to that end.
The end of me is just the beginning of Him.